- To inhabit my body at all times and to put it into motion on a daily basis.
- To extend my cuticles and follicles at a constant rate. I will on occasion cut them as I see fit.
- To distinguish among various physical features and personality traits that I may individualize my fellow sentient beings.
- To produce an endless stream of saliva, mucus, urine, sweat, feces, sleepy-eye-stuff, earwax, and semen, which shall be deposited in various receptacles or wiped onto tissues, hands, sleeves, undergarments, and the like.
- To coordinate my lips, larynx, and thoughts that I may produce intelligeable modulations of my voice. Others will hopefully listen to my efforts and respond in kind.
- To slowly decompose over the course of many years, after which I shall do away with vow number one and allow my body to quickly decompose over a shorter duration of time.
I'm really excited to see how all this works out. It will be difficult - I'm not going to pretend like it's not - but with the right attitude and determination I feel I can master these six vows. If you have vows for the upcoming year (I'm not sure if there's an actual term for this idea, as I assume I made it up), please keep them to yourself. I've got my own vows to focus on.
Happy New Year,
Birdhaus, Harbinger of Januarys
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