My hatless friend Courtney (of Modern Homebody fame) thought I should mention this story, because "people love hearing about other peoples' crappy temp jobs. 'Cause, you know, temping is absolutely the wwgdsncfdr832rfd...ssssss...haaaaaaaaah!" Her jaw fell off right in the middle of the bar! She was humiliated and I'll never hear the end of her unasked for opinion.
But jawless Courtney is right. Office temp jobs are unaccustomed to interesting happenstances. A couple months into working at this one place, I decided to wear gigantic nerdy glasses (given to me by Young Scott of Hot Sandwich fame). For hours I wore these huge comical prescription glasses that probably caused my eyes somewhat serious harm. I really, really looked ridiculous. I even dressed up nice to give me that 1950's cartoon scientist look. Yeah. Hilarious, right? I know! For real!
And not one f*cking person said anything... Can I say f*cking? Oh. Not one Fuck*ng person said anything! They knew me! They knew me! But they didn't say nothin' ya'll! There was this girl that worked there with a glass eye. She of all people should have said, "Birdhaus, those glasses are crazy. Tell me why you have donned them." Super-Christian girl who sits next to me should have crossed herself and said "Oh Birdhaus. I wish Jesus could make your eyes well again because no one should have to suffer those specs." Retired hitman Robert should have laughed his ass off. Because he laughs at everything. Being a hitman does things to you.
That's when I realized working in an office is not something people who enjoy things should do.
But I can't be a hitman. I have morals and Robert won't recommend me. I can't be a glass eye. I'm too animate. I should be Jesus. Then the people would take notice. But they might kill me. I don't want to be anything!
Courtney. Get well soon.
Love,
Mandible
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment